Lost

Sometimes there are things in life that are difficult to admit to, but if something is difficult isn’t it even more important to talk about? I believe it is. For a few weeks now I have been fighting some depression, and a sense of disconnection from everything I love. In fact, the reason I am writing this now is to see if I can feel a stirring, or a sense of confidence that I once had. I have heard of some people in Christianity not being able to “hear God” anymore, and feeling a sense of loss. The first week I thought it could be how busy I am. I work, I go to school, I try to keep my family happy and maybe I had just become so bogged down that religion was on a back burner for me. Writing and researching however interesting it is for me had seemed to be less important, almost like a chore. Writing in my journals, tarot readings everything felt like such an effort. Had I hit a wall? What I considered even more disturbing was my sudden disdain for myself. I have lost all self confidence in myself and everything I represent. It is almost as though I am curious what purpose do I serve for this world if any at all.

I have to be honest, I have not done any research on this matter, or how it is handled in the pagan world. I don’t know what the community thinks about such things, or what should or shouldn’t be done. I plan to keep blogging on here, maybe it can serve as some form of therapy. If anyone has any suggestions or comments I am more than happy to see them.

Hypocricy

Well, this is my first week back at the dorms and not only have I been focusing on my studies, I have also been trying to keep true to my resolutions. I have also been trying to contemplate what my next post would be. Like many things in my life, this subject happened to fall into my lap. I feel like I will be stepping on some toes with this post, but it is something that has been on my mind for a while and what would a blog be if it didn’t stir up some people every once in a while? I am avid about any sort of social network. I watch the twitter feeds, what all my friends update on facebook, and any other site I can interact with others whether they are of similar mind or not. I am also very open-minded when it comes to all religions. I refuse to tell someone they are wrong, because I cannot honestly say I have the key to enlightenment. I know what spiritually makes me feel good, if you find something that makes you happy, then I am happy for you, but just because it makes you happy, doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. I have seen numerous pagans, sometimes rightfully complain about how people of other religions try to convert them. I have been in several of those situations and understand the frustrations; I also feel the need to say I know not all Christians are like this. I have many many friends who are Christian including my best friend, who is Catholic. These are just generalizations of experiences. Why is it then, when pagans hate it so much to be criticized, and judged, do we do it ourselves to those of the Christian faith? I have seen and heard some pagans downgrade the Christian faith, as if they know the right way. Why would we be so hypocritical when we are trying to show them to simply live and let live. It isn’t healthy to be so angry; all religions have similar roots, so why can’t we all just get along. No one has all the answers, we are all on the same level, learning just as others do by trial and error. No one is better than anyone else. I know that even I do not have all the answers, and I am certainly not pushing them on anyone. I just don’t understand why we can’t be civil. We make assumptions based on what we have heard from one or two Christians, and then try and group them all together with one big generality, that they are all crazy, they all think we are damned to hell, and we are the misunderstood party. If that is the case, what makes us any different than what we accuse them of? I believe we should just live and let live, life is too short for us to try and run our life and someone else’s.

And the Wheel Turns

Well, it’s that time of year again folks. Everything is serenely dormant and now we must begin anew. Lots of things have happened in 2011, people have been born and have died. Loves have been kindled and extinguished. Careers have begun and ended, but this is a part of life, is it not? Everyone has New Year’s traditions, my family is no different. Tonight I wanted to talk about New Year’s traditions, resolutions and I’m actually quite curious, what do you do for New Year’s? Please post a comment if you would like, I’d love to hear from those who read my blog as we ring in this New Year together.

New Year’s resolutions have a different connotation to everyone. I normally make a list of things I would like to accomplish over the next year, and even list how I will obtain these goals. It can be as simple as a resolution to feel better, get fit, or something much larger, such as begin in gaining an education. My resolutions are fairly simple but I’ve never failed in keeping one. How do I do this? I only have a few but they are things that are very important to me. Not only that, I make baby-step goals along the way so the overall achievement doesn’t feel so overwhelming. I also plan to use this blog to make sure I don’t stray off the trail (I and maybe you are more likely to do better if others are watching). I’ll list my resolutions at the end of this post, and we’ll see how I keep up with my accomplishments.

Secondly, what would you like to get rid of from last year? This is a tradition my family has had for many many years and can be anything from physical to spiritual things. For example, I burn a list of things that are negative that I am removing from my life. My mother burns sorrows, our cat died this year, and she is going to burn the box we took him to the vet in to have him put down. This process is just as important as the resolutions because how will we ever bring in the new without going out with the old? Afterwards my family usually spends all night, cleaning the home of negativity and saging to get ready for the New Year. We also make an amazing lemon floor wash for our hardwood floors (nothing is better spiritually and physically than lemon).

Superstitions are some things we also have for New Years. Many years ago, my mother read an article to me (though I don’t remember from where) that if you say “rabbit” three times the moment the clock strikes 12 on the first day of the month, you will receive a gift at the end of the month. This is a Chinese tradition that we have held every month for many years, and I have to say I have never been disappointed.

The dinner is just as important though you may have already heard of the traditional New Year’s feast, but do you know why? The greens are for money all year long, the black eyed peas are for coins, the ham for luck. We have had this for as long as I can remember and it has yet to fail. Lighting green tea lights during dinner wouldn’t hurt either.

I hope everyone has a great New Year’s!! I will see you all in 2012!

 

My New Year’s Resolutions:

-Lose 25lb

-Be more assertive

-Blog more often

-Commit to better time management

- Create my own happiness

Back and Better than ever

Today will seemingly be a short post though I do apologize in advance. It seems life had gotten up and run ahead of me, and I have had to catch up to it. Me and my family recently had to take our cat, Cadet to the vet so he could travel beyond the veil. I miss him deeply but I know it’s for the best. He had cancer and fought the good fight until his little body just couldn’t carry him anymore. Our vet was very kind, making sure he had no pain. I know some think it’s odd, to love an animal so dearly, but they do become a part of our soul. In fact, if you ever get a chance to read His Dark Material by Phillip Pullman you really should. I completely believe Cadet was a part of my brother’s soul. This blog is back in full swing now, and I will be posting more soon. Finals are taking off and I’ve been researching calming techniques. Thank you everyone for being patient.

Color me Happy

Color correspondence are something everyone knows about, even the non-pagan folk (I’ve heard them called cowan, and muggles. Fielder’s choice). Have you ever had a certain color that just made you feel good? Have you ever had a power suit, an outfit that never fails on a date? How about an outfit you always wear that just makes you feel good? These are perfect examples of what a color can do, but this isn’t their limits. Let me share a story. My brother suffered from depression growing up, he had a phobia of time passing to quickly, and he couldn’t even handle having a clock in his room. We had tried what we had thought to be everything until we did some real research, color effects how we feel. We realized my brother’s room was a dark blue, which stimulates deep thought; this is wonderful if you are a philosopher, a college student, or even a writer but for my brother it was far too much. He was thinking way too deeply for a ten-year-old and it was causing him a great deal of strife. Our remedy for the situation was simple enough; we painted his room yellow, crayon box yellow. He hasn’t had any problems since. Now, look at the colors around you. How do they make you feel? I know I have a particular drawing towards purple. When I do petition magic I write in purple (though if I particularly want something to have some power behind it I write in red). If I want to feel empowered I’ll wear red. Candle colors work the same way, as does the color of everything from your shirt to your throw pillows. Color affects us no matter what medium.  So, because of this, I’m going to share with you what I know about the basic colors, true I don’t have all the answers and you must absolutely trust in your intuition for such things, but I’m sharing what my opinion is.

 

Red: passion, anger, success, power, lust, protection, seduction. If placed in a kitchen, this color can trigger hunger.

Yellow: happiness, success, creativity, joy, communication. This color can help ease depression and anxiety though it does make for restless sleep.

Blue: Deep blue causes deep thinking, but a light blue can create a calm, serene environment.  Both trigger creativity on different levels.

Orange: Happiness, success, creativity though it’s another color that can cause insomnia. Warm oranges and browns can help battle homesickness.

Green: Creativity, serenity, prosperity, nature attunement. My bedroom is actually a sage color that I find calming because my bedroom is always my sanctuary.

Purple: Intuition, creativity, power, psychic awareness, protection. This color is also the official color of religious tolerance, so it only makes sense for it to be the color of peace.

Black: protection, serious magic, strength, will. This is the color of candle I always use for banishing and sending negativity back to an individual (which I hope to talk about in a later post)

White: This is quite a color, it can indeed be used for anything, but I mostly use it for communication both spiritual and mundane. If I’m concerned for someone and I haven’t gotten in contact with them for a while, I’ll light a white candle with their name on it, and I always hear from them soon. White is also good for any type of cleansing or cleaning in the household or self.

Full Moon

“O night, night, night! Whose darkness holds all mysteries in shade, O flame-lit stars, whose golden rays with Luna floating near are like the fires of the day, and you Hecate who knows of untold desires that work our will and are the mistress of our secret spells. Oh earth who give us bounty of weird grasses, you wandering winds and hills, and brooks, and wells. Gods of the dark-leaved forest and gods of night, come to my call. When you have entered me, as if a miracle had drained their banks and courses. I’ve driven rivers back to springs and fountains. I shake the seas or calm them at my will. I whip the clouds or make them rise again. At my command winds vanish and return. My very spells have torn the throats of serpents. Live rocks and oaks are overturned and felled. The forests tremble and mountains splits. And deep earth roars as ghosts walk from their very tombs. Even you oh Moon, I charm from the skies.” -Ovid’s Metamorphosis Book VII

Pagan Privacy

I have found lately it is truly difficult to find time for myself while having a roommate. Such situations do make rituals rather impossible as well as any form of meditation or my favorite: tarot reading. But, I have never been one to give in to inconvenience and I have been looking for ways to continue my lifestyle while still flying under the radar. The campus is a nice size and since it’s out in the country it’s actually what I prefer. I know there is a park within walking distance as is there lots of open spaces that are modestly lit at night. I don’t truly recommend someone going out by themselves at night; I know I wouldn’t go farther than the quad which is right outside my dorm. There is also a small wooded area that I am considering working in soon, but I hope to have a group.

On a side note, I’ve met a few other pagans from different paths on campus and I’m hoping to get some form of ritual going with a few simply because I’ve never held a group ritual or circle and it’s something I would love to experience. I can only imagine what kind of energy covens as a whole feel with each other. I know fall is rolling around soon (I don’t celebrate the typical Wiccan Samhain) and I hope to do something back home with my family. We usually bake apples and start to prepare the house for the holidays. At the dorm however, I may decorate slightly. I know I have lights back home so I may hang them above my bed or change my altar cloth to red or orange (though Ares and Aphrodite both really love red).  Speaking of which, depending on what path you follow, why not decorate and color coordinate your dorm space to your patron gods? All of mine is red and most will notice that a lot of things I do involve the color red. I’m considering having a post about color therapy at a later date.

Going back to the subject (since I seemingly chased that rabbit down the hole…) I am truly trying to find ways to avoid people and be at one with myself. I’ve noticed the parlors are empty at night, as is the laundry room which seems to be two great possibilities for me. I’ve also found different parts of campus to be empty on weekends (such as parks and gardens), but it’s the obvious places I like the most. I know for a fact hardly anyone goes into the TV room in my dorm at night; this gives me great opportunity to be alone. I wouldn’t suggest a ritual in these spaces, but I listen to guided meditations that I’ve downloaded for free on my mp3 player, and no one is the wiser. You can also simply hike and be one with nature can recharge your battery.

I must confess though, when given the opportunity, nothing recharges my batteries like going to the pagan bookstore I’m familiar with. It’s so relaxing and I have to say that the energy in a place like that gives me a ‘buzzing’ or high feeling like nothing else in this world. After I step out I feel like I can take on the world, and we all need to carry a feeling of that in us. Life is to frustrating and to disturbing to not have a place of sanctuary. Be it a park bench, a laundry room, or a coffee shop. Find your “secret garden”.

Modern Holidays

So, I have a short little rant for today due to a discussion I had with a fellow student. They were appalled that pagans, atheist and the like celebrate holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc because they are “the most religious holidays of the year.” Let us pause for a moment of silence over her inaccuracies. Paganism existed far before the birth of Christ, and has thus lived on long after. The Catholic Church decided that one of the easiest ways for the pagans to adapt and be indoctrinated would be to transfer the holidays.

Studies have been found that Jesus was never born in winter, quite the opposite. He was born near taxation, which would potentially place him in the fall, around September. Christmas however, originated from Yule, a pagan holiday for winter solstice (usually around December 21^st). In the Wiccan belief it’s when the Goddess becomes the crone and close to death, (winter has always been associated with the end i.e. the winter of their life).  I follow a different path, being Hellenistic, and recognize it as a time when Persephone is in the underworld, and Demeter is in mourning. She always gives us winter when her daughter leaves to be with her husband, Hades.

Ever wonder what Jesus has to do with an egg and a rabbit? Not a damn thing, that’s what. The egg and the rabbit are both symbols of fertility (spring, mating, you get the gist). Easter was actually adapted from Ostera or spring equinox. This holiday usually includes maids dancing around the maypole, lots of feasting, making love around the bonfires set out at night. On a side note, Persephone has returned to her mother, and Demeter is happier than she has ever been, Spring always looks more beautiful with each passing year.

Thanksgiving? Well, if she knew her U.S. history ( I wonder how she got into college without it) We all know it’s about the Puritans making it to the U.S. and the Native Americans assisting them in survival. Yea, she went there.

So I know in the aspect of things this is a rather short rant, but I have all kinds of college student stuff to do (essays, laundry, social life.)

So until next time,

Morgana